


Spock Walks Into A Bar

by MyDaedricGravemind



Category: Star Trek
Genre: But Spock can get offended, Gen, Mild interupted references, Spock cant get a joke still, Vulcan intelligence, Vulcan stupidity, Vulcans so intelligent it is stupid, alchohol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyDaedricGravemind/pseuds/MyDaedricGravemind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vulcans+Captains+Dares+Alchohol+Too much emotion= a night to remember.</p><p>Spock swears to live long and prosper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spock Walks Into A Bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EatSnowAndDie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EatSnowAndDie/gifts).



 ~~~

 

Spock marched porposefully into a bar and sat himself on the stool the bar top provided. He then addressed the bar keeper politly.

"Excuse me?"

The barman turns to him a little suprised. The patrons to his left and right stare at him aswell. 

He assumes it is because not many Vulcans would ever even consider visiting such an establishment. But he holds a bet with his captain that he would enter this place, sample everything it contained and walk upright out the doors at dawn.

And so here he was.

"I wish to sample all of your wares."

The bar keeper blinks, stareing at him for a confused moment. He glanceing once back at the many shelves behind him that ran the _full length_ of the bar; all varying colours, textures, clarity and bottle size. The man turns back to the Vulcan waiting.

"Is that rioght.." Is all he managed to say.

"Correct, it is my assigned engagment for tonight. May I begin?" Spock-as usual-wished to waste no time.

The blue faced man to his left echoed. "Is that roight.."

Spock replyed simply. "Yes." He regarded the man mildly. "Is the idea somhow foriegn to you? It would apear to be your single seeming occupation in life-'" Spock nods pointedly at his appearance finishing. "-at least judging by the look and manner of you."

He didnt seem to see how that might hurt a poor drunk man's feelings.

The blue faced man thought a little. "Well I'donno.." His voice thick with drink.

Another, this one on Spocks right, spoke up, glowing tattoos covering any showing skin. "Dont we awl have a right to a drink?"

Spock blinked. "It was not his nor your right to drink I held in suspicioun. It was the fact that for me to wish a sample of this establishments wares seemed strange to the man who has done the same and I in turn found it strange that he should find my desires in a place for just that kind of occupation somewhat out of place. Do you not agree?"

The tattooed man nursed the rim of his hourglass shaped drink in thought. He now was the one confused.

The blue man muttering sloppily. "I dont understand awl thos wo'ds."

Spock glanced from face to face and found all their eyes upon him. He turned to the barkeeper now and insisted. "My drink, sir."

"Are you quite sure?"

"I have thought this matter through to the furthest extent of my capacity."

A fatter man leaned from behind the tattooed man spitting. "Cant you speak simple _english_ , bat ears?"

Spock stared a bit annoyed at this new face. "I do believe that _is_ what I was speaking."

The man snorted. "Su-re."

Spock could only frown in response before he was addressed by the barman again. "So your _sure_ then?"

Spock's voice took an edge. "Yes, I am sure."

The barman huffed threw his nose in resignation to his strange customer. "Ok, pal. Here you go..."

He slid a glass cup across the counter at Spock, who caught it with out even looking from the barmans face.

"So-" The fat man slid next to the Vulcan, the seat whining in grief from his wieght. "-how yi gonna get back where you came from? You planning on pissing yourself 'wee wee wee all the way home?" His tone was more then nerve grating as was his hygeinic state. And the other tenents within hearing sneered and snickered at the joke.

Spock out of curtisy he was taught to show any and every species/race and gender a form of respect or at least indifference or calm and so tryed _not_ to assume the worst; that this man was only here to engage in aggressive antaganizing and entertanment. Himself seated ramrod straight, he replyed.

"I beg to understand the meaning of you inquiry, sir. As your manner does not suggest that you care about my personal welbeing I can only assume that you are trying to engage in a verbal contest which would only end in defeat as Vulcans are not emotionally engaged like other species."

"Mhm. Right-"

"I always strive to tell only truth-"

"-Liar." The fat man was enjoying his excessive detail and explanations, and so kept 'egging' him. 

"Vulcans cannot lie-"

"Whatz a vulgan??"

"A Vulcan, sir, is the race I belong to."

"It sounds like somthing that grows on my ass."

"I assure you, sir, it does not."

The fat man snorkled. "I think your lyin'..."

"What would it take for me to convince you of the truth?"

"Take a look and see..."

The look on Spock's face was priceless.

The fat man burst out laughing, his mouth exploding with spital all over Spock's face who scowled in embarrassed irritation. The fat man blubbered incoherently, wheezing to himself then the blue man leaned over. "How cant yah lie?"

Spock contained himself, assuming that Kirk must have been intimatly familiar with this establishment when he set up their gamble here, and probably had hoped for the upper hand knowing how all of this would get to his nerves. Spock was convinced that he was going to prove Jim wrong-and so swallowed his growing annoyance with everyone here and answered the waiting man.

"Vulcans are incapable of-"

"Here is your FIRST sample, _pal_..." The barman drained a measure of blue liquer into Spock's glass cup, smelling bitter.

Spock inspected the contents as the barman punched up the first of his tab. "Are you still su-"

"-Yes **sir** , **I am**." Spock gave them so more room to argue his businness and so he threw the drink back into his throat.

The bar was struck silent as they all waited for him to choke or cough or cry-

They were dissapointed. 

Spock set his glass down without a trace of anything and at their apparent amazement smirked in a smug calm. He eyed the barman confidently. "I do believe round two is in order." The entire bar settled into anticipation.

The second drink was poured, its colour a pale yellow with glints of green floating on the top. 

"That one is a sipper..." The fat man(having caught his breath back) spoke up again, leaning over eagerly to watch.

Spock took his recamendation into consideration...but in the light of the man's earlier manner he only assumed that he was after his own entertainment and so ignoring him, Spock threw it down his throat like the first-

But unlike the first-it burst violently, bubbling painfully up his nose and down his throat, making his eyes water and taking all he could not to spray it all over the bar and others like the fat man had done to him not so very long ago.

Everyone lined up at the bar snorted wettly with varying degrees of violence at the sight, muffled and not muffleed, making Spock's pointy ears blush.

Spock coughed loudly into his sleeve and wiping his face clean he scowled, panting, at all the patrons then glared intently at the barman. " _Next._ "

The barman (hiding his own smile) moved to obey...

 

~~~


End file.
